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Wednesday 12 May 2010

Internal Conflict Blogfest

Today is the 12th of May, the following is a scene of internal conflict, posted here for The Alliterative Allomorph's blogfest. Links to other scenes of internal conflict are on the Allomorph's blog. 


This is from my new novel, TEA WITH DEATH, DESIRE AND RAGE, which is written in the form of a letter from a woman to her lover. I don't actually know if I'm going to use this scene in its entirety in the book, but it's the way it's written as of now.


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     I couldn't sleep that night. I lay awake in the dark, listening to the whispers of the house, the old ghosts, and thought about you. How strange you seemed to me, how exciting, how different from anything I had known. You were a riddle, a puzzle, and I wanted to fit the pieces together. Where were you sleeping? Where had you gone? More importantly, why did it matter so much to me? You were a stranger, a phantom that appeared against the sunlight and pulled my wheelchair out of a rut.

     A phantom who claimed he brought an albatross from the sea.
     
     Restless beneath the soft covers, I threw them off and stumbled out of bed. My hands groped for the light. A glow settled over the room, but it didn't chase the ghosts or the shadows or you away. I fancied I saw my mother's silhouette in the corner, watching me from the doorway as she had once used to do, making sure I was sleeping soundly. Only, of course, she would never do that again. I won't try to explain to you the grief that clutched me, thinking this, and the desperation I felt to find something, anything, to distract me from it.

     Outside, somewhere, a wild dog barked. Elephants trampled somebody's coffee bushes. A tigress guarded her cubs. Wild boar snuffled at the earth, searching for treats. The forest was awake, and so was I, and maybe you were too.

     I went to the bookshelf in the next room, searched the volumes until I found the one I needed. My father's book of birds. I flipped through the pages in the old creaking house, my heart thumping beneath my ribs. Like a clock going wrong.

     I found the page I needed. The albatross. Seabird, omen, curse. My breath sucked in sharply. There it was, the great bird I had seen circling the silver-oaks outside, the white, the grey-black feathers, the enormous wingspan.

     You had brought an albatross from the sea. Only we weren't near the sea, and there were no albatrosses in this half of the world, anyway.

     Where had you come from? How? What secrets were you keeping?

     And why, why did I care?


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15 comments:

  1. Gorgeous intertwining prose! I love your style. If words were thread, you prose would be embroidery. I especially loved this paragraph, it creates an amazing image within a thought: "Outside, somewhere, a wild dog barked. Elephants trampled somebody's coffee bushes. A tigress guarded her cubs. Wild boar snuffled at the earth, searching for treats. The forest was awake, and so was I, and maybe you were too." Thanks for participating! This was a real pleasure to read!

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  2. Great piece! I loved your narrative! =)
    Cheers!

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  3. Great storytelling! You're really good at evoking images for your readers.

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  4. That was fairly mysterious. Albatrosses are notorious harbingers...
    I wanted to know more about what she really wanted from him, if the letter had more of a purpose for him rather than just an outpouring of her feelings.
    Interesting!

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  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog and taking a peak at my blogfest post!

    I like this piece. It's really interesting and has me wanting to read more. Nice job!

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  6. Beautiful writing and you really set the scene with all the little details.

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  7. Very nice!! I so want to know where this is going! Fave line--"I won't try to explain to you the grief that clutched me, thinking this, and the desperation I felt to find something, anything, to distract me from it."
    Also like the ref to the wheelchair, albatross and phantom...really good use of words to evoke an underlying theme!! Keep it up!!

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  8. Elegantly done... This fleshes out some of what we've already found out about Layla. I'm really curious to find out how it all fits together with DDR.

    PS: "More important(*ly?), why did it matter so much to me?"

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  9. Thank you for all your wonderful comments! And yay, new followers!

    Thanks for pointing the 'important/importantly' line out, Alesa! Going to tweak that now.

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  10. Very nice. I love the title, and the idea of letters as the book. And, I really wanted the answers to her questions ;)

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  11. Wow. I really love your voice here and would like to read more of this. :)

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  12. I love that she wonders if he's awake, too. It's touching. Great piece. Thanks for sharing.

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  13. I was intruiged, wondered why she got stuck on him. What did she need...what did the Albatross mean? I wish there'd been a bit more about the mom too...great post

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  14. Ooo, this is gorgeous, I love your style! I love the tempered absurdity of the albatross, I really want to know more about what's going on here. Nice internal conflict.

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