Thursday, 12 August 2010

You know you're a Real Writer when...

*Your friends have forgotten what you look like. And when they do see you again (usually by accident, when they catch you skulking down the supermarket aisle because you realized three weeks without food was getting to you), they don't notice that you're unusually pale from all the time you spend indoors and that you now crawl like Quasimodo from all that time hunched over the computer. Huh. They thought you always looked like that.

*Your attempts to stay hydrated during the day involve martinis, vodka and any and all other kinds of alcoholic beverage. Money for rent? Nah. Money for booze? Hell, yes.

*Most of your visits into the great outdoors involve visiting your doctor, who is by now sick of hearing that you have carpal tunnel. Again.

*Your idea of a meal involves two-week-old tuna and that last hunk of cheese from last month's food shop.

*You dream of punctuation. Sometimes, you have nightmares where the punctuation turns giant-sized and tries to eat you.

*You keep the phone by you, even when you're deep in your Great Work, simply because you're waiting for that red-carpet invitation to the Oscars and to appear on a whole lot of chat shows to talk about said Great Work.

*When you ring your mother, she says, 'I'm sorry, who is this? You didn't mention your name...'

*Your spouse, who lives with you, has forgotten what you look like.

No, don't look at me like that. I'm not a Real Writer. Really.


  1. LoL! Well that settles it, I'm not an author (not that there was any doubt). : j

    No geographically close friends.
    No booze ever.
    No doctors, chocolate and candy keeps you fine and dandy.
    I love cooking and eating, and would be sad with tasteless meals.
    I dream in story format, intro/dev/conc. What's punctuation? Though I did use to dream in text when I MUDded seriously. : j
    I don't know where my phone is because I hardly ever use it, and it's almost always outgoing. My significant other has a cell phone.

    I'm looking forward to seeing you blasting into the published scene. : D

  2. Ha, Alesa, you are definitely not this type of Real Writer, congratulations! I hope I don't turn into this type... I mean, ticking the boxes on a few of them is all very well, but when my own mother stops recognizing my voice... that would be a sad, sad day. :-)

  3. Blimey, I'm not a writer but it does sound alarmingly like me, especially the three week old food and the daytime drinking (only at weekend, though...promise!)

  4. Well, it might be a sad day... Or it might be the sign that you just had brilliant drinking party with a collection of your characters.

    Sorry mom, all that aquavit has made my voice hoarse. ; j

  5. Haha this is hilarious!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who seems to have gone in isolation.

  6. Can you imagine sitting down with your career adviser and being told that was what you had to go though to be a writer? Actually I wonder what they do tell kids to want to be writers? Probably, “Get a real job.”

  7. Har har! I'm definitely a real writer, then. Especially that bit about dreaming of punctuation. That's me - so sad.

  8. Wow, what a hilarious post, Sangu. I especially love the visiting the doctor one and the one about giant punctuation marks in nightmares eating you.

    I'm not guilty of any of them though except for the one where I have a phone by me and I'm waiting for those red carpet invitations and chats with talk show hosts. I can dream, can't I?!

    Awesome post and write on!

  9. I literally laughed out loud! How funny (and kind of true)!!

  10. I ate a breath mint for lunch today because it was the closest thing within reach...

  11. Ha! Well I definitely have a real writer's eating and drinking habits, so I guess that's a start.

  12. Very funny! I am afraid I only ticked two of the boxes, and I'm not saying which ones. :)