I think it starts when we're, what? Four? And in a sandpit with our new toys determined to show everyone around us that our stuff is way cooler. And if our stuff just visibly isn't cooler - at least, we don't think it is - then we suffer pangs of anxiety, insecurity and the certainty that life just means nothing.
And years on... well, not much has changed, has it? We constantly compare ourselves to other people. Mrs Perfect Mother's baby never cries. Mr Debut Novelist got given a seven-figure advance on his first book. Those reviews are better, my book just isn't up to scratch, she's prettier, my toes are wonkier (and they are, too. I swear my littlest toes are misshapen.)
I've found it's pretty much unavoidable. I'm always going to compare myself to other people. But I've learned not to find myself so lacking. I've learned to judge myself by my own standards and not worry too much about the rest.
So how do you cope? What do you do when you start comparing myself to someone else?
I forged my ego from stainless steel... It's pretty solid, but the downside is that it sometimes goes time traveling to joust with nights in armor, and I have to go running after it to bring it home. : p
ReplyDeleteI try to do the same thing you do and tell myself that comparison can be good, in a sense, if it motivates me to strive for more. Also, reminding myself that everyone does have their own path in life helps. Great post!
ReplyDeleteYour little toes are definitely wonky. I swear you are actually minus one joint in each !!!
ReplyDeleteI try to remember why I wrote a book in the first place - not to compete, but to prove to myself I could do it.
ReplyDeleteI think my mother helps me, because she loves me and I'm always the best to her. Another thing that helped me when I was younger was a song from an old tape (yes, a tape!) that went: "I saw you looking out your window, watching the people passing by, taking some notes on what you saw out there, so you would know how hard you need to try... you know better, better than that. Oh, you know better than, better than that. You should know better, truth is the only measure. You know better, better than that." :)
ReplyDeleteEveryone has limitations. Even the greats. Even the great of the greats. Even the greatest. I may be a better (a wholly subjective term) writer than you but you may be a better person than me. I may have dedicated more of my life to being a writer, neglected friends and family just so that I can be the best at something and I don’t care what that something is it will never be enough. I want to be the best writer that I can be. Because my writing is more important to me than some people I will end up better than them but because others have more talent than I have they will be better than me. There’s nothing I can do about it. I might want to be 6’ tall but I’m 5’7” and all the wishes in the world won’t make me any taller.
ReplyDeleteAll any of us should want to do is maximise our potential, ‘be the best you that you can be’ as the saying goes, the only person you are in competition with is yourself: truisms, yes, but they make their point.
I think it helps to remind yourself every now and then that people are very rarely judging you. All the things I wind myself up about are just *my* personal worries. Other people don't notice them until I mention it and even if they do, they're never as harsh on me as I am on myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I judge myself far more than anyone else judges me, and I try to keep that in mind. Still, as you said, one can't help doing it here and there. If there is something I envy or feel less-than about that has to do with my own goals and hopes, I know what I want to work toward. And some days, I'm just going to have to feel down for a bit.
ReplyDeleteOh, I hear you. I remind myself that everyone is different, and to be happy with what I've done!
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