Sunday, 18 September 2011

Worst Movies Blogfest

Tomorrow is the Worst Movies Ever Blogfest, hosted by the awesome Alex J. Cavanaugh. I thought I'd post mine early because I'm going to be out and busy all of tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by - pop over to Alex's blog to find a list of the other entries!

So I'm supposed to pick the ten worst movies I have ever seen and have a good ol' rant about them. I thought this would be easy. I have had my fair share of red-faced bitching sessions after seeing a particularly godawful piece of would-be film. And yet, now that I'm trying to think of the worst ones, I'm coming up blank. Typical. So I won't make it to ten (sorry, Alex!) but here are a few of my top choices-

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
I'm not comparing this to the book. Or anything like that. Purely as a movie, standing on its own two feet, this was appalling. I thought Bella came off as an indecisive, spoiled and altogether shameless hussy (in what way is it ever acceptable to agree to marry one man, then start passionately kissing another bloke in front of your fiance? Hmm?), Jacob's penchant for toplessness grew old fast, and I just wanted to break Edward's face because he should have told Bella to take a hike the moment she started being such a t***.

And all this might have been bearable if the other characters had a chance to be anything but puppets in the background, but sadly, no. Clearly someone decided K-Stew, R-Patz and T-Laut(?) were it. Gah.

Bride Wars
Oh my word. I liked the trailer. I thought I'd like this. Alas. None of the characters were likeable. I thought everyone needed a smack. And the whole premise - best friends falling out because of a double-booked wedding - ended up being a lot less funny because it was hard to care about any story involving friends so close and so loving, they're willing to ruin and sabotage the other's wedding day. I did laugh. At how bad this was. And if I'm going to get really rant-y, I'll also add that this movie insults women - and brides.

Epic Movie
I know this is supposed to be a spoof, and bad-in-a-good-way and all that, but no. Just no. It's bad in a bad way. It burned away at least three good layers of my brain. And I actually like Kal Penn and Jayma Mays. Usually.

I Am Number Four
Mr Main Character needed to be beaten with a broomstick. And I could have broken a limb falling through the plot holes.

Star Wars Episode II: The Attack of the Clones
along with Star Wars Episode I and Star Wars Episode III
Now I'm not some sort of desperate, do-or-die fan of the first/original movies. I won't clobber you if you dare to say nasty things about them. In fact, I will even admit there are a few things lacking in the original trilogy (dialogue that doesn't make you cringe, for a start). But holy Heathcliff, the prequels don't even deserve to be associated with the good Star Wars name. They are painful. In over six hours of cinematic footage, I can only think of five good things-

1. Ewan McGregor
2. Yoda
3. Everyone's favourite pair of droids
4. Chewbacca's brief appearance
5. and the fact that Padme, the annoying imbecile, dies. Yeah, sorry if I spoiled that for you. You don't want to watch it anyway.

And my list of the not-good things? Long. Starting with 1. Hayden Christensen.

Well. I got to five (seven if you count all three of the Star Wars prequels). Halfway there, at least!

What would be on your list?


  1. Brilliant idea for a post!
    For me it's:
    1,2,3. Lord Of The Rings trilogy (total snorefest)
    4. Pitch Black (awful sci-fi)
    5. L.A.Story (so dire I left the cinema before it ended)
    6. The Island (had to watch it on a really long flight, awful)
    7. Autumn In New York (another dreadful aeroplane movie)
    8. The Da Vinci Code (terrible book, even worse film)
    9.Forrest Gump (cheesy and predictable)
    10. Eat, Pray, Love (Never seen the film but the book was the worst thing I ever read so I can only imagine the horror of the movie).

  2. Hey Sangu! I've seen the Twilight movies and thought they were all below average, and I try not to associate the last three Star Wars with the first three.
    Disagree with Vix though - LOTR was awesome and really got a kick out of Pitch Black.
    Thanks for participating in the blogfest!

  3. I'll second Bride Wars. Here's a few more: Meet the Spartans, Splice, Speed 2.

  4. I am a die hard fan of the original Star Wars. I watched episode 1 in theaters in seventh grade, due to all the hype I thought it would be awesome...not so much! I couldn't bear to watch the other two, I only recently did because they were playing on Spike TV. Yeah, can't stand Hayden Christensen, and Ewan McGregor and Yoda were the only things I enjoyed. PS, I had a major crush on Luke Skywalker, my only gripe with the originals is that he didn't end up with anyone.

  5. OMG I have to agree with Bride Wars. I was so ready to love it which I think made it even worse. There was nothing redeeming about the characters or their motivations. Bleh.

  6. I've seen Twilight: Eclipse once, only because I promised myself to give something Twilight related another shot.

    Shot done and missed.

    I saw the Star Wars movies but can't speak on them since, even if they sucked, my fandom blinds me to their suckiness (lol!!!!)

  7. I agree about Twilight - it was simply awful! If it wasn't for my friends that I was watching it with, I would turn the TV off.

    I have Epic on my list of B-rated (read BAD) movies too!

  8. I agree with "Ï am no 4", it was bad..great to have discovered your blog:)

  9. George Lucas really tried to ruin the franchise, didn't he?

  10. Wow! Broken a lomb falling through the plot holes. That's a great line! You have some real stinkers here. That whole Star Wars thing just got too weird and hard to follow for me.

  11. I hated "I am Number Four" too. A paint-by-numbers "I'm in high school and I have powers" movie. Yawn.

    Thanks for your posts!

  12. I hear you on the Bride Wars thing. It had so much potential, was so disappointing.

  13. aaaaarrrrrghhhh! that's it!
    i love bad/worst movies, these lists are tough!

  14. Luckily I have not seen any of these movies.
    A movie that was terribly disappointing and predictable to me was Avatar. All that wonderful world building, beautiful animation, only to have it degenerate into a violent cowboys vs Indians scenario. Could there have been a better story line?

  15. I never saw I Am Number Four--after hearing about how the book was written, it just threw me off everything to do with the series. And I was never a huge fan of the book, anyway.

  16. I haven't seen any of the Twilight films but I would add them to my list for just being movies. Never saw Epic Movie but heard it was pretty terrible. You should do a follow up post with 5 more bad movies to finish your list.

  17. I am Number 4 was on my to watch list - prehaps I should remove it?

  18. The only redeeming thing about I Am Number Four was Timothy Olyphant, but then he died so I couldn't go any further. And I didn't think Eclipse was anywhere near as bad as New Moon.

  19. I'm over the spoofs like Epic Movie. They need to be stopped. How many times can the same thing be done? Most of them are not even funny. And I'm glad to see you include a Twilight movie. I'm over that fad as well! What happened to quality?!

  20. Agree with Eclipse being lame!

  21. I dig reading these, probably more than doing them. Interesting choices, Sangu :)

  22. Wow, I could never do one of these--I'd be up half the night tearing all my least favorite movies apart to the point my post becomes an opus that no one has the time to read. You did a great job!

  23. I gave up on the Twilight series after book 2 and haven't seen any of the movies. Your description in the movie mirrors why I disliked the books.

    Bride Wars didn't look good. Yeah, how could two close friends get like that over something so trivial.

    I am Number Four - you made me laugh!

  24. I haven't seen any of them. But I did see the trailer for bride wars as well.
    It adds to that stupid fantasy that when women have that their wedding is just about them and forget everyone else. Apparently it's ok to act like a spoilt brat just because you're getting married. They just want a wedding and wear a dress, forget about being married.

  25. Hmmm. Star wars 1 2 and 3 weren't as good as 4 5 and 6 but they were still okay...
    Hated Epic Movie and Bride Wars too btw. Haven't seen any twilight... not too into it. :/