Worst Movies Blogfest

Tomorrow is the Worst Movies Ever Blogfest, hosted by the awesome Alex J. Cavanaugh. I thought I'd post mine early because I'm going to be out and busy all of tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by - pop over to Alex's blog to find a list of the other entries!

So I'm supposed to pick the ten worst movies I have ever seen and have a good ol' rant about them. I thought this would be easy. I have had my fair share of red-faced bitching sessions after seeing a particularly godawful piece of would-be film. And yet, now that I'm trying to think of the worst ones, I'm coming up blank. Typical. So I won't make it to ten (sorry, Alex!) but here are a few of my top choices-

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
I'm not comparing this to the book. Or anything like that. Purely as a movie, standing on its own two feet, this was appalling. I thought Bella came off as an indecisive, spoiled and altogether shameless hussy (in what way is it ever acceptable to agree to marry one man, then start passionately kissing another bloke in front of your fiance? Hmm?), Jacob's penchant for toplessness grew old fast, and I just wanted to break Edward's face because he should have told Bella to take a hike the moment she started being such a t***.

And all this might have been bearable if the other characters had a chance to be anything but puppets in the background, but sadly, no. Clearly someone decided K-Stew, R-Patz and T-Laut(?) were it. Gah.

Bride Wars
Oh my word. I liked the trailer. I thought I'd like this. Alas. None of the characters were likeable. I thought everyone needed a smack. And the whole premise - best friends falling out because of a double-booked wedding - ended up being a lot less funny because it was hard to care about any story involving friends so close and so loving, they're willing to ruin and sabotage the other's wedding day. I did laugh. At how bad this was. And if I'm going to get really rant-y, I'll also add that this movie insults women - and brides.

Epic Movie
I know this is supposed to be a spoof, and bad-in-a-good-way and all that, but no. Just no. It's bad in a bad way. It burned away at least three good layers of my brain. And I actually like Kal Penn and Jayma Mays. Usually.

I Am Number Four
Mr Main Character needed to be beaten with a broomstick. And I could have broken a limb falling through the plot holes.

Star Wars Episode II: The Attack of the Clones
along with Star Wars Episode I and Star Wars Episode III
Now I'm not some sort of desperate, do-or-die fan of the first/original movies. I won't clobber you if you dare to say nasty things about them. In fact, I will even admit there are a few things lacking in the original trilogy (dialogue that doesn't make you cringe, for a start). But holy Heathcliff, the prequels don't even deserve to be associated with the good Star Wars name. They are painful. In over six hours of cinematic footage, I can only think of five good things-

1. Ewan McGregor
2. Yoda
3. Everyone's favourite pair of droids
4. Chewbacca's brief appearance
5. and the fact that Padme, the annoying imbecile, dies. Yeah, sorry if I spoiled that for you. You don't want to watch it anyway.

And my list of the not-good things? Long. Starting with 1. Hayden Christensen.

Well. I got to five (seven if you count all three of the Star Wars prequels). Halfway there, at least!

What would be on your list?